Ninja Nuns (a.k.a. Nunjas!)

Before I begin, I would like to say that this post is intended to be a humorous take on a conspiracy theory/urban legend and isn't meant to make fun of anyone's religion or beliefs.  Thank you and please, enjoy.
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For years, urban legends and conspiracy theories about Vatican-sponsored “Hit Squads” have been a staple of popular culture.  Whenever the Catholic Church needs an enemy eliminated, one of these clandestine operatives is deployed to make sure that whatever threat is posed is neutralized.  Vatican Assassins tend to be, but are not always, women as they are often culturally underestimated.  Their weapons are often structurally reinforced versions of religious icons a member of the church would normally be expected to carry and range from Rosaries that can double as garrotes to simple weapons that can be hidden in the concealed pockets or pouches inside of religious clothing.

Incorporating Nunjas into Your Campaign 

While this particular style of character fits best in a more humorous modern role-playing game (like Ninja Burger for example), it could also be reskinned to serve as a secret assassin for any “good”-aligned church in a number of D&D campaign settings, i.e. a priest of Lathander or Sune whose primary mission is the removal of clerics of Bane, Bhaal, Myrkul, or Cyric.  They are disavowed by the priesthood in general and are left to their own devices should they be captured during the course of one of their missions.  With their focus on infiltration and assassination, they tend to be Thieves (or Rogues, depending on what edition of the game you are using) or even Monks.

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Sister Mary Margaret Sato stood before the small mirror in her spartan bedchamber.  Her long black hair was pulled back into a severe bun that was interfering with the fit of the white coif that was supposed to fit snugly to her scalp.  She made some minor adjustments and, satisfied with the results turned to the simple footlocker at the end of her cot. 

From within the padded confines she lifted her Rosary and looped it through the woolen belt encircling her slim waist.  She rolled back the heavy outer sleeves of her black tunic and with a wry grin once more thought to herself "Dear God, six layers of clothing - all of us are so hot and uncomfortable it's no wonder we nuns have a reputation for meanness".  She offered a short prayer asking forgiveness for the mildly blasphemous thought and continued to ready herself.  She slid a twelve inch wooden ruler into her left sleeve, a packet of holy wafers into a pocket hidden inside the heavy apron that covered her habit. Finally, a pair of nunchaku slid into another specially hidden pocket at the small of her back. 

Mary rose from her knees, smoothed her underskirts and left the small chamber.  She walked down the polished wooden hallway and descended a short flight of stairs leading into the dojo where Initiates sparred, nodding to several Sisters on her way through. 

As Mary walked, she thought about her highly secretive, elite order of Christian assassins.  Although Christianity had been introduced to Japan in 1549 by a Jesuit Missionary named Francis Xavier, the religion had been driven underground during the Tokugawa Shogunate.  Jesuit vows of poverty and chastity had to be set aside to ensure the survival of the religion in a suddenly hostile land.  Oaths of loyalty to the Pope were supplanted by duty to individual clans.  Centuries of loyalty to duty and deity resulted in a unique hybrid of religious devotee and trained spy and assassin.  When the Emperor Meiji reopened Japan to the West, specially selected representatives reestablished contact with the Vatican.

Within minutes she found herself outside the door to the Mother Superior's office.  She knocked, once, to announce her arrival.

The rice paper door slid aside, revealing the Mother Superior kneeling upon a straw mat in the center of the room, her face concealed in the shadows cast by her hood.  The Mother spoke "Sister Mary, our agents in the Middle East have obtained information that Muslim extremists are planning to make a move against Christian interests in the Holy Land.  You are to travel to Nazareth, find these terrorists and prevent them from carrying out their plans."

Two days later, Mary found herself crouched in the darkness on a ledge thirty feet above a narrow twisting alleyway.  She listened to the voices coming from within the room, verifying that these men were indeed her targets.  Once she was ready, Mary drew her hood up over her face to protect her eyes from shards of flying glass and burst through the window.  She tucked into a tight roll that brought her near to the center of the group of bearded men. 

They gasped in surprise and began to reach for their weapons.  Automatic rifles lay across a rickety table or leaned against walls.  One of the men shouted "WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?" 

Mary said nothing in response and charged her closest target. 

None of the extremists ever reached a single one of their weapons as Mary spun through the room, her ruler flashed outward with lightning speed to slap knuckles with numbing force.  Howls of pain were quickly drowned out by the heavy thump of her nunchaku splitting skulls and breaking bones.  One man managed to slip behind her with a knife but she dropped the ruler and snatched the chain holding her Rosary and looped it around her enemy's neck, strangling him with frightening efficiency.  Within moments, nine men lay sprawled upon the dirty floor, either dead or out of the fight and Mary was back out the window, running across rooftops with an unearthly grace before disappearing into the night and the long plane ride back to Tokyo. 

- End -