Cookie the Barbarian
I have been seeing a lot of Cookie Monster the Barbarian memes in my Facebook feed over the last week or so. This gave me the idea to stat out the character. This turned out to be a far more complicated build than I anticipated, I ended up modifying and combining two different versions of the Muppet race, researching Cookie Monster, and because the only spellcasting Muppet I can think of is the Amazing Mumford, changing the Bard class for a Non-spellcasting version.
Sidney "Cookie" Monster (a.k.a. Alistair Cookie): male Muppet Barbarian 3/Bard variant 2
CR: 5 Small Humanoid (Muppet)
HD: 3d12+6 plus 2d6+4 (40 Hp)
Init: +1 Spd: 40' AC: 16 (Scale Mail, Light Wooden Shield, +1 Dex), t: 11, ff: 16 (never flat-footed); (-5 ACP, 30% ASF)
Attacks*: (BAB +4/Grap +6); +7 Greataxe: 1d10+3 (20/×3, used two-handed) or +6 Bite: 1d4 nonlethal
* additional +2 hit/damage during Rage
SA: Barbarian Rage, Eat Anything
SQ: Bardic Music (Countersing, Fascinate, Inspire Courage +1), Bardic Knowledge +1, Fast Movement, Muppet traits, Trap Sense +1, Uncanny Dodge
Align: CG Saves: Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +3
Str: 15, Dex: 12, Con: 14, Int: 8, Wis: 8, Cha: 15
Skills: Read/Write and Speak English; Climb +5, Diplomacy +5, Gather Information +7, Jump +4, Perform (Act) +5, Perform (Comedy) +7, Perform (Singing) +9, Search +1, Sleight of Hand +2, Survival +0, Swim +4
Feats: Investigator (b), Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Greataxe)
Gear: Small Greataxe, Scalemail, Wooden Shield, Horned Helmet
Height: 3'5" Weight: 35 lbs.
Eyes: White with Black Pupils Hair: Blue
Age: 43 (chronological)
Appearance: Cookie Monster has large, googly eyes mounted high atop his head. He is covered in thick blue fur and has a large mouth.
• Eat Anything (Ex): Cookie Monster can consume anything he can fit in his mouth. As a full-round action, he can bite through objects with a Hardness of 10 or less and swallow them.
• Muppet Traits (Ex):
Abilities: Muppets gain a +2 bonus to Charisma and a -2 penalty to Wisdom. They are often cute and loveable but are rarely introspective.
Ageless: Muppets age at twice the normal rate as humans but once they reach adulthood and stop aging. They cannot die of old age. There are some Muppets who have a "canonical age" that they never mature past. (e.g. Elmo will always be 3½, Big Bird will always be 6).
Immunities: Muppets suffer non-lethal damage from, and can be incapacitated by, starvation, suffocation, drowning, thirst, or poison; but they cannot be killed by these things. Muppets are generally immune to disease; the only exception seems to be allergies and the common cold.
Low-Light Vision (Ex): Muppets who resemble animals or monsters have Low-Light Vision.
Nom Nom Nom (Ex): Muppets absorb the energy from food without ever having to swallow it.
Prankster: Muppets are jokers and entertainers that have no skill at inflicting real, lasting harm. They do not suffer the -4 penalty to attack rolls when trying to deal non-lethal damage with any attack/weapon that normally deals lethal damage; they do however suffer a -4 racial penalty when trying to deal lethal damage, even if the weapon being used normally inflicts lethal damage. If a Muppet attempts to deal lethal damage with a Muppet weapon, they suffer a -8 penalty to their roll (the -4 equipment penalty plus the -4 racial penalty).
Regeneration: Fire and Acid deal normal damage to a Muppet. Otherwise, the heal 3 hp of non-lethal damage per round.
Skills: Muppets have Perform as a Class Skill, regardless of Class and gain a +2 racial bonus to a Perform skill of their choice. They also gain a +2 racial bonus to Diplomacy checks with young children and their parents.
Favored Class: A Muppet's favored class is Bard.
CR: 5 Small Humanoid (Muppet)
HD: 3d12+6 plus 2d6+4 (40 Hp)
Init: +1 Spd: 40' AC: 16 (Scale Mail, Light Wooden Shield, +1 Dex), t: 11, ff: 16 (never flat-footed); (-5 ACP, 30% ASF)
Attacks*: (BAB +4/Grap +6); +7 Greataxe: 1d10+3 (20/×3, used two-handed) or +6 Bite: 1d4 nonlethal
* additional +2 hit/damage during Rage
SA: Barbarian Rage, Eat Anything
SQ: Bardic Music (Countersing, Fascinate, Inspire Courage +1), Bardic Knowledge +1, Fast Movement, Muppet traits, Trap Sense +1, Uncanny Dodge
Align: CG Saves: Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +3
Str: 15, Dex: 12, Con: 14, Int: 8, Wis: 8, Cha: 15
Skills: Read/Write and Speak English; Climb +5, Diplomacy +5, Gather Information +7, Jump +4, Perform (Act) +5, Perform (Comedy) +7, Perform (Singing) +9, Search +1, Sleight of Hand +2, Survival +0, Swim +4
Feats: Investigator (b), Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Greataxe)
Gear: Small Greataxe, Scalemail, Wooden Shield, Horned Helmet
Eyes: White with Black Pupils Hair: Blue
Age: 43 (chronological)
Appearance: Cookie Monster has large, googly eyes mounted high atop his head. He is covered in thick blue fur and has a large mouth.
• Eat Anything (Ex): Cookie Monster can consume anything he can fit in his mouth. As a full-round action, he can bite through objects with a Hardness of 10 or less and swallow them.
• Muppet Traits (Ex):
Abilities: Muppets gain a +2 bonus to Charisma and a -2 penalty to Wisdom. They are often cute and loveable but are rarely introspective.
Ageless: Muppets age at twice the normal rate as humans but once they reach adulthood and stop aging. They cannot die of old age. There are some Muppets who have a "canonical age" that they never mature past. (e.g. Elmo will always be 3½, Big Bird will always be 6).
Immunities: Muppets suffer non-lethal damage from, and can be incapacitated by, starvation, suffocation, drowning, thirst, or poison; but they cannot be killed by these things. Muppets are generally immune to disease; the only exception seems to be allergies and the common cold.
Low-Light Vision (Ex): Muppets who resemble animals or monsters have Low-Light Vision.
Nom Nom Nom (Ex): Muppets absorb the energy from food without ever having to swallow it.
Prankster: Muppets are jokers and entertainers that have no skill at inflicting real, lasting harm. They do not suffer the -4 penalty to attack rolls when trying to deal non-lethal damage with any attack/weapon that normally deals lethal damage; they do however suffer a -4 racial penalty when trying to deal lethal damage, even if the weapon being used normally inflicts lethal damage. If a Muppet attempts to deal lethal damage with a Muppet weapon, they suffer a -8 penalty to their roll (the -4 equipment penalty plus the -4 racial penalty).
Regeneration: Fire and Acid deal normal damage to a Muppet. Otherwise, the heal 3 hp of non-lethal damage per round.
Skills: Muppets have Perform as a Class Skill, regardless of Class and gain a +2 racial bonus to a Perform skill of their choice. They also gain a +2 racial bonus to Diplomacy checks with young children and their parents.
Favored Class: A Muppet's favored class is Bard.
Notes: This version of "Muppetborn" is based on the 5e statistics for Muppetborn and Muppet as well as the 3.5e Toon race. I felt like some of the abilities they had didn't "feel" right. So I am not including "the Hand" as I can't think of a single Muppet that uses telekinesis. My version also won't have "Always Obscured" or "Weird Legs" since we literally see Kermit ride a bike and pretty much all of the Muppets in "Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas" can be seen on ice skates. I am giving Muppetborn a +2 racial bonus on Perform checks instead
However, Muppets are incredibly resilient (how many times has Gonzo the Great been caught in explosions and walked away, slightly charred and trailing smoke, but been otherwise unharmed?) so I am granting them the same resistance to damage and difficulty dealing damage that Toons have.
Non-spellcasting Bard variant:
At any level except 1st, when the Bard would have gained access to a new level of spells, they gain a bonus feat from the following list: any feat dealing with Bardic Music, Cosmopolitan, Great Fortitude, Investigator, Iron Will, Lightning Reflexes, Negotiator, Persuasive, and Skill Focus (any class skill).
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