KMEL News Stories
As Dungeon Masters, we want our players to feel like the world their characters operate comes across as "lived in", like they are part of something larger than just the campaign they are participating in. This can be accomplished via "tavern talk" where they hear about the exploits of various NPCs in your setting or in a modern setting by what they see or hear on television or the radio. Commercials and news stories that are playing in the background can add depth to a world and even provide an opportunity to drop in little Easter Eggs, referencing bits of pop culture pulled from a variety of sources. On Earth-218, these ads and stories could include:
• This evening's news is brought to you by our sponsor, Chonky's, Home of the Big Chungus! If you're hungry, Chonky's has what you need!
• We will return to the "New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" after these words from our sponsor, the Racuum. Yes, you heard correctly. The Racuum. A vacuum raccoon. You yank its tail to get it started and then...it goes, and goes, and eats everything in sight.
The patented tail pulling action activates the raccoon's limbic system, causing it to go berserk. Supplies are limited! Be the first on your block to own a Racuum!
• We will return to tonight's double feature, "Help! My Mummy's a Werewolf!" and "Help! My Mummy's a Werewolf! 2: This Again" right after these words from our sponsor, Fresh Fades Mobile Barbering. If you need a haircut but don't have time to stop at a barber, then bring the barber to you! Just call 888-424-7288, that's 888-HAIRCUT, and we'll send a barber van to your location! First time customers get 10% off!
• This evening's news is brought to you by our sponsor, S-Mart. Now featuring the twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. Made in Grand Rapids, Michigan and retailing for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart!
• This evening's news is brought to you by Pocket Gopher! The Gopher that fits in your pocket! Take it with you anywhere! Order now and get a free one-month's supply of dim-berries guaranteed to keep your Pocket Gopher calm and sedate.
- - - - - - -
• Last night half a city block exploded in a ball of green flame in San Francisco's Chinatown. A business known as the White Tiger, long suspected to be a center for human trafficking, was destroyed in the explosion. An investigation is underway.
In unrelated news, we are informed by his lawyer that David Lo Pan, chairman of the National Orient Bank and owner of the Wing Kong Trading Company passed away in his home last night, surrounded by close friends.
• Call it mass hysteria, call it a mass hallucination but whatever it is, the residents of Hicksville, NY are suffering from it. Witnesses of a series of thefts at area art museums and galleries claim that the robberies were carried out by a group of flying, talking vegetables, specifically, a carrot, a red pepper, a garden pea, and a squash. Others claim that a head of lettuce was also involved. This alleged "Brotherhood of Evil Produce" should be considered highly dangerous.
• We interupt this presentation of "Veterinarian Hospital" to bring you this special news bulletin. Japan has elected a sentient, talking raw egg as its new Prime Minister. Prime Minister Gudetama stepped down after less than twenty-four hours in office, citing poor health. He will be succeeded by Deputy Prime Minister Sasagawa, who had been the Prime Minister before Gudetama.
• In Brooks, Arizona, a series of car accidents have claimed the lives of five men suspected to be members of an auto theft ring. An all-black car was seen fleeing the scene of these accidents, leading many to believe that these were actually revenge-killings. Local law enforcement has called off the search for the suspected killer. Sheriff G.L. Loomis has declined to comment on the case.
• A southern California home owned by Professor Jerry Hathaway of the nearby the Pacific Technical University campus in Southern California was the target of an elaborate prank gone awry this past weekend. Police suspect that an unidentified student or group of students filled the house with popcorn kernels and then caused them to pop. The movie staple quickly overloaded the home, breaking windows and even causing walls to separate, inflicting serious damage to the structure. Professor Hathaway, who is also the host of the television program "Everything" could not be reached for comment.
• Emergency rooms all over the state are overflowing with patients suffering from gopher bites. The gophers became hyperactive after eating dim-berries that were accidentally shipped as part of an introductory Pocket Gopher promotion.
• In music news, Spıṅal Tap member Chris "Poppa" Cadeau has been eaten by his pet python, Cleopatra. He is preceded in death by "Stumpy" Pepys, "Stumpy Joe" Childs, Peter "James" Bond, Mick Shrimpton, and thirteen other drummers who have performed with the band over its nearly 50-year history. Neither David St. Hubbins or Nigel Tufnel could be reached for comment.
• In Astoria, Oregon, a group of middle and high school children have discovered a hidden fortune in gold coins dating back to the French and Indian War. The children say that they plan on using the coins, valued at $2 - 3 million dollars, to save their subdivision from redevelopment.
• The small, picturesque town Kingston Falls, Pennsylvania came under attack by a horde of what local witnesses are calling "little scaly green men" on Christmas Eve. The rampage left at least three people dead and culminated in an explosion that destroyed the local movie theater. Marines were deployed from the Allentown Reserve Center to lend aid to the survivors.
• Following a riot in Harlem tonight, video-arcade mogul Eddie Arkadian and nearly two dozen accomplices including a man known as "Mr. Nuff, were arrested and charged with the kidnapping of local VJ Laura Charles. Charles was rescued by an unidentified Kung fu wielding vigilante. Anyone with information about this vigilante is encouraged to contact Harlem PD.
Comments
Post a Comment