Cracks and Crevices – Rise of the Not Me


My wife and I were off work yesterday so we buckled down and cleaned the house.  I vacuumed.  As I was working on the stairs, I started to wonder where the crevice tool had gotten itself off to and THAT got me to thinking that “Cracks and Crevices” would be an excellent name for a D&D-style gaming system, complete with the nearly requisite naming convention.  I mentioned this to her and she commented that it sounded more like a children’s board game to her.

I was like “Whoa!” and started imaging a Chutes and Ladder board marked with household furnishings that could be searched for “treasures” (mostly loose change under the couch cushions) where whichever player collected the most loot while cleaning house would win.

I may come back and revisit that idea later so no thunder stealing please.


The other idea I had was very much in the vein of “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids”.  A group of adventurers are drastically reduced in size and must navigate the house/castle/dungeon in question in search of the means to reverse the effect.  Along the way, they must avoid household pets like cats and dogs, battle assorted pests like flies, mice/rats, spiders, and maybe roaches.  But there are other creatures lurking in those hard to reach places beneath that collect dirt and debris no matter how much you clean, menaces like Dust Bunnies, Sock-Stealing Gnomes, and the Dreaded “I Don’t Know/Not Me” that makes messes and hides items like TV remotes, car keys, and sunglasses whenever your back is turned.

It is this last creature that I would like to focus on today.

“Who Made This Mess in Here?" – Every Parent Ever
“I Don’t Know, Not Me!” – Every Child Who Has Ever Been Asked That Question

The “Not Me” is a fairy of the Unseelie Court.  Its sole reason for existence is to make messes, the bigger, the better.  It will knock over waste bins, scatter the contents of laundry baskets across the floor, draw on walls with crayons and markers, not flush toilets, and dump out children’s toy bins every chance it gets.  Naturally attracted to the homes of children with “uptight” (i.e. Lawful-aligned parents), the Not Me enjoys getting children in trouble.  They can be held at bay by sprinkling powdered iron across thresholds and windowsills but this only lasts as long as those protective lines remain intact, the child outgrowing the Not Me, or by making it reveal its name.


Not Me
CR: 1
Neutral (Chaotic tendencies) Diminutive Fey
Int: +4, Senses: Listen +1, Spot +1, Low-Light Vision
Languages: Read/Write and Speak Common and Sylvan
AC: 18 (+4 size, +4 Dex); t: 18, ff: 14
Hp: 4 (½d6)
Immune: - -
Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +3

Spd: 20’ (4 squares)
Melee +8 Broom: 1d3-3 plus blinding
Base Atk: +0, Grap -11
Str: 5, Dex: 18, Con: 13, Int: 10, Wis: 13, Cha: 14
SA: Spell-like Abilities
SQ: Banishment Conditions, DR5/cold iron, Dust Cloud, Low-Light Vision, Natural Invisibility, Relative Appearance
Feats: Acrobatic, Weapon Finesse (b)
Skills: Balance +8, Bluff +6, Jump +3, Perform (Any One) +6, Sleight of Hand +8, Tumble +10

Climate/Terrain: Any land (usually urban areas)
Organization: Solitary
Advancement: 1-3 HD (Tiny)

• Banishment Conditions (Su): If a Not Me can be tricked into saying or reading its own name, it is instantly banished back to the Realm of Faerie (no saving throw).  Each of these creatures carries some object that serves as a clue to its identity.  Their names are fairly simple, being patterned after common objects that most children would be familiar with.
                Ex. A Not Me named ‘Dandelion’ may carry or wear wreath made of dandelions or ‘Cat Whisker’ may be covered in whiskers, etc.
• Dust Cloud (Ex): A Not Me is continuously shrouded in a swirling cloud of dirt and dust from the waist down.  This serves to obscure the fairy from view and provides partial concealment.  If A Not Me is forced to fight, it will smack its opponent with a broom.  This creates a small dust cloud that can blind its target for 1 round unless a Ref save (DC12) is passed.  The save is Dex-based.
• Natural Invisibility (Su): Not Me’s are naturally invisible to any to viewers of adolescent or greater age.  This is constant, even if the Not Me is attacking but it can suppress or resume its ability as a free action.
• Relative Appearance (Su): The Not Me’s appearance differs depending on who sees it, on each individual viewer’s tastes and world experiences.  The perceived appearance varies from viewer to viewer and can include changes in race, voice, and mannerisms to present the seer’s idea of the most messy and chaotic being they can think of.  The differences in the viewers’ perceptions often lead parents to believe that the children in question are lying or blaming the mess the Not Me makes on an imaginary friend.
                Those who are able to perceive the Not Me’s actual appearance (via True Seeing or similar means), see a small green-skinned humanoid with large ears, small eyes, and a broad flat nose (almost like a goblin) shrouded in a cloud of dust and carrying a straw broom.
• Spell-like Abilities (caster level equal to HD) – constant: Detect Law, at will – Prestidigitation


AD&D Stats
Climate/Terrain: Any urban
Frequency: Very Rare
Organization: Solitary
Activity Cycle: Any
Diet: Omnivore
Intelligence: Average (10)
Treasure: Incidental
Align: N
No. Appearing: 1
AC: 6
Movement: 8
HD: ½ (4hp)
THAC0: 20
No. of Attacks: 1
Dmg/Att: 1d3-3 plus Blinding (Save vs BW to negate)
SA: Spell-like Abilities
SD: Cold Iron or better weapons to hit, Banishment Conditions, Dust Cloud, Infravision, Natural Invisibility, Relative Appearance
Magic Resistance: Nil
Size:  T (6” to 1’ tall)
Morale: Unsteady (5-7)
XP Value: 35

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mur-Deer

Image
I was driving home along Minnesota's North Shore today when "Murder... Mur-Deer" popped into my head today. While you could use the Dire Elk or Legendary Animal template to achieve the same results, I thought I would take a crack at putting stats to the pun. Mur-Deer CR: 6     Large Magical Beast HD: 12d10+72     Hp: 137 Init: +1     Spd: 60'     AC: 16 (-2 size, +1 Dex, +7 Natural); t: 9, ff: 15 Attacks: (BAB +12; Grap +30) ; +20 Gore: 3d6+10 (18-20/×3) or +20 Kick: 3d8+10 (20/×2) SA: Augmented Critical SQ: Darkvision 60', DR5/Mistletoe, Low-Light Vision, Scent Align: N     Saves: Fort +14, Ref +9, Will +6 Str: 31, Dex: 13, Con: 23, Int 2, Wis 11, Cha: 5 Languages: None Skills: Listen +10, Spot +9 Feats: Alertness, Dodge, Iron Will, Mobility, Run, Spirited Charge (b) • Augmented Critical (Ex): The Mur-deer's Gore attack threatens a Critical Hit on natural 18-20 and deals triple damage on a successful Critical Hit. The Mur-Deer may
Read more

The Unstoppable Mr.Darcy

Image
I t started out as an idea for a quick, hopefully humorous one-shot. Over the course of the last year as other, similar material became available, it has grown into a short, but full-blown campaign. Based on the one-page RPGs " Pride and Extreme Prejudice " and " Trapped in a Cabin with Lord Byron " combined with " Sentai & Sensibility " and a smattering of the " d20 Anime " by Guardians of Order and d20 Paragon , I find myself continuing to expand on what was supposed to be a bit of a spoof set during the Napoleonic War. The party, based on the quartet of sisters from P&EP, hail from the Campbell family. Borrowing from Sentai, I think I have settled on the Mecha to be magically powered, summoned by magical combs the girls have, each linked to an iconic British animal - Bull, Raven, Boar, and Stag. By activating their magical focus, they first transform into superhuman warriors, armed with powerful melee weapons and armored in distincti
Read more

Beldam (Other Mother from Coraline)

Image
I watched the movie “ Coraline ” for the first time this weekend.   Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen snippets of the film here and there over the years and I recognized the character when the movie started but I have never sat down and Watched the movie (or read the book).   By the time the show was over, I have to admit that I was fascinated by the entire thing.   The animation and pacing were incredibly well done and the main antagonist was delightfully wicked.   This is who I want to focus on today – Beldam, a.k.a. the Other Mother.   Some viewers may think that she was some sort of demon, offering children their heart’s desire in exchange for their souls, much like a crossroads demon but I feel like she more closely resembles a faerie, a member of the Unseelie Court who is allowed a great deal of independence in her operations.   I also think that since the protagonist, Coraline, was just a child that Beldam wouldn’t necessarily have been overly powerful, holding a relatively low
Read more

The Turducken

Image
There are several "monstrous" versions of the Turducken out there. This is a more grounded version of the bird as if it were a real-world animal. The Turducken is a medium bird weighing 15 to 25 pounds. It has a large, round body with stubby wings and a fan-shaped tail. Their feet are webbed. Most notably, they have three heads. The center head is that of a turkey, flanked by those of a duck and a chicken. Their diet is varied, consisting of aquatic plants, grasses, small vertebrates like frogs and salamanders, mollusks, and insects. Turducken CR: 3     Small Magical Beast      HD: 5d8+10    Hp: 34 Init: +0    Spd: 10', fly 40' (clumsy), swim 20' AC: 13 (+1 size, +2 Natural), t: 11, ff: 12 Attacks: (BAB +5; Grap-3); +6 Claws: 1d4-4 and +1 Bite: 1d2-4 and +1 2 Bites: 1-4 SA: - - SQ: Darkvision 60', Low-Light Vision, Multiple Heads Align: N     Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +1 Str: 3, Dex; 11, Con: 14, Int: 2, Wis: 10, Cha: 11 Skills: Li
Read more

Osse - The Forgotten Continent of the Forgotten Realms

Image
Osse is one least detailed continents of the Forgotten Realms.   There is almost no canon information regarding it or its inhabitants.   Even the Forgotten Realms wiki has little to say about this Australian-analog. So, of course, my players will be going there eventually .   I sat down with what little information I had and began fleshing out ideas for what I feel should be there.   It isn’t far from Kara-Tur and that got me to thinking about Monster Island from the old Godzilla movies so I decided that Osse must be the spawning ground for Kaiju.   There is also no equivalent (at last not really) for the myths of Atlantis so I made the interior of the continent home to my own version of that as well.   This is what I came up with. Capital: None Population: 711,813 (68% Ossean Human, 22% Poseidian Human, 4% Lizardfolk, 3% Aarakocra, 1% Mountain Dwarf, 1% Shoal Halfling) Government: City-States, Tribes Religion: Jazirian (also known as the Rainbow Serpent), Bahloo (Sel
Read more

Max Headroom

Image
On this day in 1987, two Chicago-based television stations had their signals hijacked by person or persons unknown.  The first  event was stopped quickly but the second lasted a bit longer.  More than 30 years later, no suspects have ever been identified. For those of you who have been reading my stuff for awhile, you know that I am planning on having my party eventually reach Earth .  I have plotted out some unusual adventures and some strange NPCs that I think it would be cool to have them encounter (plus I just like making weird characters) and was thinking that crossing paths with Max and his "IRL" counterpart Edison could make for an interesting story. Incorporating Max into a D&D campaign... This does present a bit of a conundrum since Max is undeniably based on futuristic technology.  Then again, Dungeons & Dragons has a long history of sci-fi crossovers so perhaps the next time you find yourself running " Expedition to the Barrier Peaks "
Read more